Quarter Life Crisis

Here's the thing: As a kid, I always wanted to quickly mature and grow older, with the thoughts of living the good life after having everything figured out. I now realize that I have skipped an important part while wishing. Which is, actually having to figure things out.

The only job I have ever known is teaching. These past months, I have been telling myself to just find another job in teaching, trying to convince myself that what I want to do is teaching.  

As it turns out, the thing about grieving is that it does not happen only on the occasion of death. Humans also grieve due to changing situations. With everything that has happened recently - resigning from IEC, moving to Jakarta, then moving back to Medan, then having to face unemployment - I probably have been grieving too. Grief has made me irrational to some extent.

Now that everything has (somewhat) settled down, I have finally had the chance to do some more rational consideration. While I do enjoy my current job, I keep wondering if this is what I truly want to do for the rest of my life. 

I mean, I can definitely see the perks of it. I am very familiar with the terrain of the education field. I have been here for years. There is not much effort needed for me to get used to the job. Besides, teaching is a very much stress-free job. However, there is a part of me that wonder if I am using teaching as an escape plan. In my grief, have I given up on anything that I always thought I wanted, just so I could go back to the past, back when everything was simple and familiar? The answer to this, I clearly know not. 

I even wonder, if I were to continue teaching, will I ever regret it years down the line?

People do say that your 20s are the best years to make mistakes in. Perhaps I shouldn't let the fear of the unknown overtake me, and just take the plunge. I don't know.

And just as I was thinking about that, I got a call from PHG, letting me know that my CV is being reviewed and there's a possibility that I might get called for an interview. Is this the universe's way of telling me to try and do office job before it gets too late? I'm not gonna lie, the thoughts of a job offer from PHG do make me feel very excited. Well, that and the dreading thoughts of the unknown.

But then again, I don't really want to get my hopes up and ended up feeling crushed again. Especially after what went down last time. At this point, I am afraid that they might not even call me back again.

Universe, if you are reading this. can you show me a sign if this is really what I'm meant to do? Am I right to interpret this the call from PHG as some sort of sign from you? Is going there my destiny?